So how is everyone doing? I'm doing ok. I'm feeling the relief from not having any ivf hanging over me, focusing on when the next round of meds start, organising bloods, scans, calling pharmacys regarding meds, cancelling nights out to suit injections. I feel I can breathe again in that respect. But after that it's still hard. I work with 13 girls so you can imagine how often babies and having babies come up (a LOT!) One girl just went on maternity leave and as happy, and excited I am for her, I feel the hurt inside, that I will never get to experience that. The girls talk about how they cant wait to settle down and have babies. If only it was that easy. And I'm sure for them it will be. That's what also hurts.
Myself and my hubby are still putting everything on the back burner and will see how things are in a year. We are so focused to save for a deposit for a house, so we will see where our mind is by the end of the year and go from there, but please please please God we have a massive miracle and we get pregnant naturally... it's crazy! After 3 goes of IVF and not getting 1 embryo passing pgs testing, we still cling onto hope that it might, mayble, please God happen for us. No matter how many knocks you get in the IVF process, you still just have to hold to some hope. I'm not sure when that hope goes to be honest.
Would love to hear how everyone is doing, the stage of treatment you are all in
xx
Monday, January 30, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
PGS Results
So 2 days before Christmas, we found out that Spain would be calling us that day for our PGS results. How many embryos would we have that would pass, and finally we could focus on getting ready for transfer in January. For the whole day I was nervous, then excited, imagining hearing we had at least 1 that passed, maybe even two and how happy we would be. Then I would try to imagine what they said if we had 0 but I wasnt able to imagine that, so I was sure it would be good news.
Unfortunately I was wrong.
We received our call in the afternoon, and thank god I was at home. My husband was in work but we were able to arrange a conference call. It started off nice, the dr talking Christmas or something and then my husband said well hopefully you are calling with some good news, and there was a long pause before she said "unfortunately I'm not" and continued to tell us that no embryos passed the PGS testing and continued to talk while I just stared blankly into space, trying to let it sink in that this was it for us. I couldnt talk, I couldnt think. I just felt numb. While she spoke my husband was texting me asking if I was ok, telling me he loved me, neither of us were able to listen to what she was saying. The doctor did mention our only hope would be Donor Eggs and explained if we tried that, that transfer could be in March or April. If only it was that simple. The use of Donor Eggs is about 10k which we just dont have.
My husband arrived home and we just hugged and cried and told eachtoher that we loved eachother and both told eachtoher we were happy if forever was just the two of us. We have had friends and family offer their own eggs, but unfortunately that still costs a lot of money and we literally have 0.
Its only been 3 weeks since we have heard that news and I'm currently still processing. We decided we are taking the next year off fertility and just enjoy our life. IVF hung over our heads for 2 years, we always had tests to do, bloods to do, scans, drugs, and then there is the mentally draining side of it all which I found the worst part. If we were to do donor egg, it would be from someone under 29 that we would get the eggs from, so it's not a race against time anymore. But as we don't have the money at the moment, we are just gonna enjoy life like we did before IVF came along. Go on nice holidays, trips, have fun together and save. We are still renting so we are saving for a deposit, which is a LOT where we are living. So at the end of 2017 we will have a good chunk saved. Enough for donor egg, or half our deposit. By the end of this year we will be deciding what is more important, a baby, or the security of having somewhere to live.
I'm not sure how we will come to that decision, but we have 12 months to figure it out. I'm hoping over the next 12 months its something that we both decide organically, without too much trouble. That, or we win the lotto so that we can do both! :)
Unfortunately I was wrong.
We received our call in the afternoon, and thank god I was at home. My husband was in work but we were able to arrange a conference call. It started off nice, the dr talking Christmas or something and then my husband said well hopefully you are calling with some good news, and there was a long pause before she said "unfortunately I'm not" and continued to tell us that no embryos passed the PGS testing and continued to talk while I just stared blankly into space, trying to let it sink in that this was it for us. I couldnt talk, I couldnt think. I just felt numb. While she spoke my husband was texting me asking if I was ok, telling me he loved me, neither of us were able to listen to what she was saying. The doctor did mention our only hope would be Donor Eggs and explained if we tried that, that transfer could be in March or April. If only it was that simple. The use of Donor Eggs is about 10k which we just dont have.
My husband arrived home and we just hugged and cried and told eachtoher that we loved eachother and both told eachtoher we were happy if forever was just the two of us. We have had friends and family offer their own eggs, but unfortunately that still costs a lot of money and we literally have 0.
Its only been 3 weeks since we have heard that news and I'm currently still processing. We decided we are taking the next year off fertility and just enjoy our life. IVF hung over our heads for 2 years, we always had tests to do, bloods to do, scans, drugs, and then there is the mentally draining side of it all which I found the worst part. If we were to do donor egg, it would be from someone under 29 that we would get the eggs from, so it's not a race against time anymore. But as we don't have the money at the moment, we are just gonna enjoy life like we did before IVF came along. Go on nice holidays, trips, have fun together and save. We are still renting so we are saving for a deposit, which is a LOT where we are living. So at the end of 2017 we will have a good chunk saved. Enough for donor egg, or half our deposit. By the end of this year we will be deciding what is more important, a baby, or the security of having somewhere to live.
I'm not sure how we will come to that decision, but we have 12 months to figure it out. I'm hoping over the next 12 months its something that we both decide organically, without too much trouble. That, or we win the lotto so that we can do both! :)
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