Monday, November 7, 2016

The Countdown Is On!

So we are heading off to Spain in a week and a half!  I cant believe its finally here.  Today was the last day I took the pill so my period should come from tomorrow onwards.  I have my first scan Friday to see how things are looking and I'll find out then if I start taking pergoveris then too.

Myself and hubby went for a drive yesterday and he said " I dont mean to sound negative, but do you feel a small bit of relief knowing that this is our last try.  Obviously we want it to work but do you feel a little relief from it?)  And without knowing tears just fell from my face.  I told him thats exactly how I feel.  I want a baby so so so much and knowing this is our final chance is so sad and so heart breaking, but also, I feel relieved (just a tiny bit).  It's just knowing that IVF wont consume our brain on a daily basis.  We wont be focusing on money and trying to find money for last minute blood tests I need or scans I need.  We wont be stuck, not being able to do anything in the evenings due to having to do injections, which must be kept cold.  I feel like for the last 2 years, life has been on hold. I havent been able to think of anything else besides IVF and wanting to have a baby with my husband.  Ive seen everyone else around be get pregnant, have a baby and get pregnant again, all the while we are still trying.  But the second I think of the relief we will feel, I feel the absolute heart ache of it not working out for us and wondering how on earth we will ever get over it.

Besides all that, I'm trying to remain positive for the next few weeks, and please god that helps.