Thursday, July 28, 2016

Slowly moving forward

So we are 5 weeks away before we head to Spain for our first Egg Collection.  I had to get a scan here at a local clinic just to show spain what my lining was, and how many follicles I had.  I think thats just to show them on a standard cycle how things  look before I start any drugs.  I have to wait for 1 more period and then injections will start the end of August hopefully. 

It's such a long road sometimes.  There are days where the excitement is there and you just are so positive and so excited and you are wishing your life away until you get your collection, then transfer, and then that BFP you have always dreamed of.  Then there are days, and today is one of those days, where you just feel down.  Just exhausted from it.  Wondering if its actually ever gonna come around.  And when it does, will it work.

It can be so hard sometimes.

How do you all get through the tough times?

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

This Too Shall Pass

So after hearing my colleagues pregnancy announcement, and of course dont get me wrong, I was absolutely thrilled for her, but it hurt.  The following day another girl I work with, who doesnt know about our IVF journey, asked me in a very patronising way, "ah, are you ok"? and I was like, yeah Im great, how are you....... (WTF) and she then starting saying how pregnancies in our department happen in 2s and I was like, well I better warn the girls....... Then I heard from another colleague that she was asking if I was ok, that I was very quiet when the announcement was said, which of course I wasnt.

THEN this girl brought up yesterday how they were all discussing baby names, and someone brought up my Dads name (which they know I want to call our baby if we have a boy) and I was just like COME ON!!!! And again today she brought up how it happens in 2s and who is next, looking at me, so I changed the subject.  Some people are just so inconsiderate.

I felt crappy the last 2 days.  Delighted for my friend but it still hurts.  Her pregnancy wasnt planned at all, they were trying NOT to get pregnant and had a slip up, which when doing IVF you forget that some people dont want to get pregnant and its a surprise for them.  My husband brought me out for dinner last night and I had a really fun morning with my sister today too, so that has given me a more positive outlook again, thank god, as I needed it!

Sometimes you just need to vent, and its ok to vent.  Its ok to feel that pang when you hear someone is pregnant.  Its ok to be upset.  Its ok to be sad that its not you.  But you do get over it. And you will become more positive and fingers crossed my turn will be soon


Monday, July 11, 2016

Kick in the stomach

Hearing other peoples pregnancy announcements are alwas a wonderful thing, but you cant help but feel that pang in your stomach too.  I recently found out a co-worker was pregnant.  Wasnt planned, just happened and I felt like I was kicked in the stomach.  Of course I'm absolutely delighted for her, but the "why cant it be me" rang through my head.  My manager knows I'm going IVF and I could see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, and that just made me feel worse.  It's like she pitied me.  And I dont want to be pitied.

Its just so hard.  Then we found out her due date, and I wont have even had my transfer by the time her baby is born.  It's just such a tough tough process sometimes

Friday, July 1, 2016

Step 1 - At Last!

Finally starting our Ivf journey.  Its still such a long road ahead of us, with our first egg collection in September, and our second one in November/Dec with our transfer in January/February 2017 but I cant think of it like that.  I can only focus on the now.  All of that will eventually come, as will our little baby :)

So I have started the pill about 2 weeks ago now. and so far so good.  I have never been on the pill before, so I honestly thought my hormones would be all over the place and I warned Hubby many times that if I wasnt myself, it wasn't my fault! But Ive been feeling grand thank god!

Also, as our clinic is in Spain and we dont live in Spain, I have had to arrange with another clinic to get ultrasounds done there when required and bloodtests.  It's the to-ing and frow-ing of clinics like that that can get frustrated as they can be slow, as its 4 weeks away, so they dont see the urgency, and they can just be very slow but all of that has finally been arranged. YAY!!

And we have booked our first set of flights to Spain for September too.  Having it abroad is actually a nice change.  It's so lovely to have a holiday to look forward to, which takes the focus and stress off the actual process, which is new to us.  We have been to Alicante in Spain a number of times on holiday, so it feels like our second home.  We are already planning what we will be doing while we are there, so I cant wait.

Then me being me, I figure out if I get the transfer in February, I could actually have a baby by October 2017!  Its so hard not to jump ahead like that :)