Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Update.. not too good

After taking the natural supplement for a few months, we heard the trial that we were hoping to get on for this supplement in May, was being cancelled, and they were hoping to have the trial start again in Jan 2018.  We both felt so deflated and that everything we tried, nothing was working.  It was door after door being shut in our faces and after a long chat about things, it's just not meant to be for us.  It was a very hard decision to come to, acknowledging that we aren't meant to have children but we had to admit to ourselves that nothing was working.

After a while the realisation has gotten easier for us and we see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It's something I will always want but I know it's just not meant to be.  We have tried the natural way, healthy diet and exercise, we have tried IVF here and abroad and we have tried supplements and nothing has worked. 

It's time to take our life off pause and start to enjoy it!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

All natural supplement.

well throughout this journey we have had so many people talk to us, suggest different ways of getting pregnant, light candles for us, the works.  But we recently were introduced to a nutritionist who has his own supplement that is supposed to be amazing with regards to fertility, for both man and woman.  Its a sachet that you drink either in the morning, or split it up to brekkie and lunch, and you take it for 6 months and then hopefully your eggs and sperm will be a lot more healthy for 2 years.  We might give it a try, as we have nothing left to lose.  Plus its no where near as invasive as IVF so why not.

I'll keep you posted!

Monday, January 30, 2017

Little Update

So how is everyone doing?  I'm doing ok. I'm feeling the relief from not having any ivf hanging over me, focusing on when the next round of meds start, organising bloods, scans, calling pharmacys regarding meds, cancelling nights out to suit injections.  I feel I can breathe again in that respect.  But after that it's still hard.  I work with 13 girls so you can imagine how often babies and having babies come up (a LOT!)  One girl just went on maternity leave and as happy, and excited I am for her, I feel the hurt inside, that I will never get to experience that.  The girls talk about how they cant wait to settle down and have babies.  If only it was that easy.  And I'm sure for them it will be.  That's what also hurts. 

Myself and my hubby are still putting everything on the back burner and will see how things are in a year.  We are so focused to save for a deposit for a house, so we will see where our mind is by the end of the year and go from there, but please please please God we have a massive miracle and we get pregnant naturally... it's crazy! After 3 goes of IVF and not getting 1 embryo passing pgs testing, we still cling onto hope that it might, mayble, please God happen for us.  No matter how many knocks you get in the IVF process, you still just have to hold to some hope.  I'm not sure when that hope goes to be honest.

Would love to hear how everyone is doing, the stage of treatment you are all in


Thursday, January 5, 2017

PGS Results

So 2 days before Christmas, we found out that Spain would be calling us that day for our PGS results.  How many embryos would we have that would pass, and finally we could focus on getting ready for transfer in January.  For the whole day I was nervous, then excited, imagining hearing we had at least 1 that passed, maybe even two and how happy we would be.  Then I would try to imagine what they said if we had 0 but I wasnt able to imagine that, so I was sure it would be good news.

Unfortunately I was wrong.

We received our call in the afternoon, and thank god I was at home.  My husband was in work but we were able to arrange a conference call.  It started off nice, the dr talking Christmas or something and then my husband said well hopefully you are calling with some good news, and there was a long pause before she said "unfortunately I'm not" and continued to tell us that no embryos passed the PGS testing and continued to talk while I just stared blankly into space, trying to let it sink in that this was it for us.  I couldnt talk, I couldnt think.  I just felt numb.  While she spoke my husband was texting me asking if I was ok, telling me he loved me, neither of us were able to listen to what she was saying.  The doctor did mention our only hope would be Donor Eggs and explained if we tried that, that transfer could be in March or April.  If only it was that simple.  The use of Donor Eggs is about 10k which we just dont have.

My husband arrived home and we just hugged and cried and told eachtoher that we loved eachother and both told eachtoher we were happy if forever was just the two of us.  We have had friends and family offer their own eggs, but unfortunately that still costs a lot of money and we literally have 0. 

Its only been 3 weeks since we have heard that news and I'm currently still processing.  We decided we are taking the next year off fertility and just enjoy our life.  IVF hung over our heads for 2 years, we always had tests to do, bloods to do, scans, drugs, and then there is the mentally draining side of it all which I found the worst part.  If we were to do donor egg, it would be from someone under 29 that we would get the eggs from, so it's not a race against time anymore.  But as we don't have the money at the moment, we are just gonna enjoy life like we did before IVF came along.  Go on nice holidays, trips, have fun together and save.  We are still renting so we are saving for a deposit, which is a LOT where we are living.  So at the end of 2017 we will have a good chunk saved.  Enough for donor egg, or half our deposit.  By the end of this year we will be deciding what is more important, a baby, or the security of having somewhere to live.

I'm not sure how we will come to that decision, but we have 12 months to figure it out.  I'm hoping over the next 12 months its something that we both decide organically, without too much trouble.  That, or we win the lotto so that we can do both! :)

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Update - Egg Collection & Emrbyos

Sorry I haven't written in SO long.  We were over in Spain for collection and time just gets away from you when you are so consumed with all things IVF.

So I had 2 scans here before I went to Spain.  They showed growth was slightly slower than last time but they were happy with everything as it was going. 

We got to Spain on the Friday and we went straight to the clinic for a scan and bloodtest, same again on the Monday, Tuesday and Tuesday we found out collection would be Thursday.  As I was awake for my last collection, I knew it would be a possibility again but asked for extra sedation.  General Anestnetic costs €400 which we just couldnt afford.  Anyway the extra sedation this time worked an absolute treat and I conked out!  Woke up to hear they had collected 7 eggs! So we were happy with that.

We had a check up the next day and the Dr said they would like me to have another collection as 6 had fertilised, and they like to send at least 6 embryo biopsies off for PGS testing, but we just can't afford it.  We are beyond broke now and we have told them that this is our last go.

So after that, its sitting my the phone, waiting for updates from the clinic which is the worst part.  On day 2 we heard that 4 embryos were looking good, right cell number, no fragmentation.  Day 3 we had 3 embryos that looked good, right cell number and no fragmentation.  This made me so upset.  In Sept at our last collection on Day 3 we had 4 embryos and Day 5 we had 1 blastocyst, so I was so upset we were already down an embryo after taking the human growth hormone and the other tablets.  I was convinced they hadn't done any good, that we would be left with 0 by Day 5, praying for 1 blastocyst.

So finally on day 5 we found out that 2 embryos made it to blastocyst and day 6 another made it to blastocyst.  So we had 3 from this cycle, 4 in total. We couldnt believe it.  This cycle had been the most emotional one for the both of us.  I think its because we knew it was our final collection, we knew we had a lot riding on it, extra meds, extra worries, its just been so hard.  I think Ive been so strong the last year about it all but last week in work, those people who knew I was doing IVF, whenever they asked how it was going, I just broke down in tears.  I just was so worried we would get nothing from this cycle.

So now is another wait!  We found out today the biopsies have finally been sent off for testing, so we have to wait until the end of the month to see how many passed (praying for 2! ).  We will also get our treatment plan for transfer which will tell us what date its gonna be aswell, although I dont know if we will book anything until we know for certain something has pased

I hope if any of you are doing IVF, that it's all going well for you.  And if any of you are thinking about it and have any questions, ask away.  Im not an expert or anything in it, but I might be able to help out :)

Monday, November 7, 2016

The Countdown Is On!

So we are heading off to Spain in a week and a half!  I cant believe its finally here.  Today was the last day I took the pill so my period should come from tomorrow onwards.  I have my first scan Friday to see how things are looking and I'll find out then if I start taking pergoveris then too.

Myself and hubby went for a drive yesterday and he said " I dont mean to sound negative, but do you feel a small bit of relief knowing that this is our last try.  Obviously we want it to work but do you feel a little relief from it?)  And without knowing tears just fell from my face.  I told him thats exactly how I feel.  I want a baby so so so much and knowing this is our final chance is so sad and so heart breaking, but also, I feel relieved (just a tiny bit).  It's just knowing that IVF wont consume our brain on a daily basis.  We wont be focusing on money and trying to find money for last minute blood tests I need or scans I need.  We wont be stuck, not being able to do anything in the evenings due to having to do injections, which must be kept cold.  I feel like for the last 2 years, life has been on hold. I havent been able to think of anything else besides IVF and wanting to have a baby with my husband.  Ive seen everyone else around be get pregnant, have a baby and get pregnant again, all the while we are still trying.  But the second I think of the relief we will feel, I feel the absolute heart ache of it not working out for us and wondering how on earth we will ever get over it.

Besides all that, I'm trying to remain positive for the next few weeks, and please god that helps.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Time is Flying!

Where is the time going?  It only dawned on me last night that this weekend is a long weekend and then it's November.  November!!  November is when I stop the pill, get the base line scan done, start pergoveris, fly to spain, get all my different scans and bloods done and have egg collection.

Mentally I don't feel prepared at all.  I cant believe its only a few weeks away.  For the last 2 egg collections I have had months and months of waiting and counting the weeks down until it finally came.  I only had egg collection last month and Im going again next month.  I don't know if its good or bad that Im not mentally prepared.

I just hope its a better round than the last one