Friday, June 17, 2016

Nearly there!

Im hopefully starting treatment next week!!  Its a long protocol though so our first egg collection wont be until September!! But at least we are about to start!

So once we got the good news that the MRI was good and nothing needed to be removed, we were able to look at the next step, which was getting our Spanish prescription rewritten so we can get it on the Drugs Payment Scheme.  Its a scheme where you will only may at the max 144 in any month for your medication.  This would cost over 2k in Spain so it was somthing we  had to look into.

I called a chemist someone on a forum had suggest to see if they could help us or advise us what we needed to do and she was so lovely.  We emailed her over the prescription and she emailed back exactly what the GP needed to write on the prescription and explaining it all.  The relief! We met a GP yesterday as my own one is sick and she was more than happy to rewrite it!  Thank god!! I was waiting for the GP to say it was something she wouldnt /couldnt do but she was so lovely.

Fingers crossed this is the start of a successful treatment.  When my period starts next week, I take the pill for a month, and then the priming phase starts!  3 days after my period starts I have to have an ultrasound and some bloodtests and then for 3 days I take Letrozol.  From reading online - this is used to stimulate ovulation.  Then for 10 days in the middle of August I take the pill again. And then my period should come.

Then after this Im on the stimulation phase.  So that means an ultrasound and bloods one day, and the next day I take pergoveris non stop until I suppose Im in Spain before Egg Collection.  I have another ulstrasound and blood test 5 days after the 1st one and then we go to Spain.  We will be in Spain for about 10 days, having ultrasounds and bloods every 2nd day probably and after about 7 days I should be ready for collection.  Then we have 2 months off and hopefully start stimulation again in November for eggs to be collected Nov/early Dec and then we wait for the embryos to be tested.  Hopefully we will have a good number that pass and we can then plan transfer!


Friday, June 10, 2016

MRI Results

So we got the results from my MRI and thank god, they are happy to leave the fibroid where it is!!  I had visions of having to get it removed, and have to go on a waiting list for the operation, and then have to wait 2-3 months after the operation before I could even think about starting IVF but now we are so close to starting!!! YAY!

Our next step is when I get my next period, I go on the pill for a month and then I start priming the end of July, which is like a fake cycle and then I am good to go for the proper cycle in August and egg collection the start of September

I just feel relived we are one step closer to everything.  Just gotta keep praying it works now!

Thursday, June 9, 2016

My IVF Journey - Update

After our cycle in March didnt work out we took a break.  My husband decided to randomly contact IVF Spain for a chat about things.  They spoke with him for 40 minutes over the phone about us and our health and as we were in Spain in May for our holidays we decided to book a consultation with them.  Our consultation for our last cycle which failed was 40 minutes.  This consultation in Spain lasted 5 hours.  From the second we walked into the clinic we were both so impressed.

The clinic was so modern, clean, airy and relaxing.  Once we sat down the receptionist came over to us for paper to fill out but also an itineary for the day showing us who we would meet etc.  My husband gave a sample and after that we met our doctor. 

What I like about her is she is very straight.  She isnt telling us what she thinks we want to hear.  She is being very straight forward, blunt at times even, which is what we need to hear.  We need honesty.

While we chatted to her there was a knock on the door and my husbands results came in.  She then went into great detail for about an hour and a half explaining what our cycle would be like and how it would work, hand drawn diagrams, the works.  At no point did either of us feel rushed.  She took her time and explained everything to us.  Any questions we had she answered.

I also had an internal done.  This would never happen at home.  An appointment would be made and you would be waiting for weeks for it to come but no, it happened then and there and she saw the fibroid our last clinic saw and she said it could be nothing, but it also could be the reason why the last cycle didnt work.  I told her the last clinic had arranged an MRI for me which would happen once I got home and I said I would send out the results to her.  We had blood tests which we got the results while there too.

Currently now I am waiting for the MRI results, praying the fibroid isnt causing any issue and can stay where it is.  My old clinic have had the MRI report for nearly 2 weeks and have yet to call me about the results.  IVF Spain have had the results for 2 days and they will contact me before Satruday (another 2 days away) with the results.

So far the professionalism with IVF Spain and my last clinic is so different.  My advice to anyone going through IVF or thinking about it is to go with your gut.  If you dont feel good with your doctor that you are with, change.  If you have questions, ask.  I was very naive and just thought they knew best so just sat back and agreed with whatever they suggested.  Now after going through it all Im questioning them every step of the way.

Saying The Wrong Thing

Unfortuantely its very difficult for people to actually understand IVF, physically and emotionally. 

I met a friend today and she asked how it was going.  Unfortunately me and this friend aren't that close anymore, so I have decided not to tell her when we are starting IVF or anything but thats a whole other story.  Anyway, she asked how things were going and I said we were taking a break until after the summer was finished , so we may look again into starting around September or October.  She asked if we have looked into other options, which I assumed she meant clinics, as our first round didnt work out and we werent happy.  So I said we kinda were but would look into it more in October.

She meant adoption.

Ive nothing against adoption at all.  But after a failed round of IVF and knowing we are gonna start it again, I need to hear positivity, not someone suggesting, whether she meant to or not, that its not gonna work out so look at adoption.

It kinda took me off guard, so I was like, well thats ages away, I want to see how the next few cycles go first.  Plus adoption can cost a lot of money and after the IVF I dont even know if we could afford it.  But I said, we will enjoy the summer and go from there.

She then said it was a good idea to have a break from IVF as it was good for our marriage as she has heard of a lot of couples who break up when IVF doesnt work out.

So not only will IVF not work, and I need to look into adoption, my marriage could break up!!!

I know she means well in her own way, but for me I need positivity.  I  need to hear, it will work out, this is your time, its gonna work out, keep positive, you will make an amazing parent.

The Waiting Game

When you are going through IVF, you enter the waiting game!

You wait for your consultation appointment, you wait for bloodtests, blood test results, you want to do tests that can only be done on a certain cycle day, you wait for those results, you wait to be told "ok, now your cycle can start", you wait for egg collection, you wait for transfer, and worst of all you have the two week wait to see if it works!

For me, we are ready to start our next cycle.  More than ready, but we are currently waiting results of an MRI to see if a fibroid needs to be removed.  Hopefully not as it would mean we would need to wait a lot longer for  the cycle to start

You need patience of a saint!!

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Family, Friends and IVF

When we decided to go ahead with IVF, we discussed between the two of us who we would tell.  It was something so daunting ahead of us, but also something so personal.  I told my Mum who's reply was "don't be worrying about it, it will happen" but my reply was "no, it's actually not gonna happen for us naturally, the doctors have said that to us".  But she was convinced it would all work out.   I told my siblings too, as well as some friends, maybe 2 or 3.

It's a funny situation to be in, because you want to talk to people about it, but either they dont understand, so the conversation doesn't last past a couple of minutes before its changed, or for a certain friend in particular, she would seldom ask me about it.  Weeks would go by, and I would get a text out of the blue, around 10pm, just asking me a random question about the process, which was obvious that she was talking about me to someone at that time and couldnt answer the question so just texted me randomly.  It meant though that through the process I started to close up on her and told her very very little.  She would never ask how I was, or how I felt, or how it was going.  But she said she found it difficult to say, in case I didnt want to talk about it.  I said to her, just a "hi, how are you, how are things going" would be perfect.  I didnt find it that difficult, yet she did. 

The hardest part was the Two Week Wait (TWW) and this 1 girl in particular didnt try contact me at all over the 2 weeks, to wish me luck, to say she was thinking about me, nothing.  So not only was I anxious over the TWW but then knowing she wasnt getting in touch made it all so much worse.  And this is a friend that decided she wanted to get pregnant and after month 1 I met her and she was worried it would never happen and we had a big huge chat about it and the following month she got pregnant.  And from week 4 up to week 42, I did a count down with her, every Tuesday counting down the days.  It hurt.

Now, hopefully starting a 2nd cycle over the coming months, I want to talk about it again, I wanna chat to people about how Im feeling, but I also dont want to be disapponted with the lack of response or lack of care.  My family are great as are his, but past that Im not too sure.  Then, saying that, I go through thoughts thinking - Is this something I should say on snapchat, something I should discuss as a lot of women go through this privately, so to get the topic out there, or even on You Tube, just so other people that are in my position out there, dont feel like they are alone either.

Either way, I will find a problem with thatever happens :)  Thats life I guess

J xox

Where things went wrong

There are a few reasons why we have decided to move clinics.  When we met our first clinic originally, it was our first time doing anything like this.  We didnt know the questions to ask, we didnt know anything to be honest.  We just went in, listened, nodded and left.  It was only a few days later that we would think, hmm, why are they doing this, why did they not explain this more etc.  But me being me, I trust everything and anything that is said to me.  Yup Ive learned from this.

They said I would be on the nasal spray for a few weeks, and then start the injections.  A friend of mine has done IVF before and she asked why they put me on the long protocol.... The long WHAT??  I had no idea!!!

After I had an internal scan they saw a "small fibroid" on the left hand side but couldnt tell if it was growing from my ovary or from the wall.  So after another internal and external they said it was growing from the wall, it wouldnt interfer with pregnancy and they would leave it where it as as Ive had surger on my stomach before (more on this later)

They put me on 200mls of gonal f to kick the follicles into action and get the eggs growing.  Everything was less than I expected.  They could see 6 follicles and the rest were very small.  After reading forums, some peoples meds were changed through their cycle but this was never mentioned to me.

Egg collection time and my husband said I was gone for about 10-15 minutes.  When I woke up they said they collected 7 eggs.  I was delighted.  I was expecting 4 as my numbers were so low.  The embrologist called the following day to say 6 had fertilised, and 2 days later on day 3 I was told 2 were doing well and 2 were a little slower but going in the right direction.  Finally on day 5 the best one was transfered.  I went onto a forum to fill in the girls and the questions started " so what grade were they, were they a 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5".   Emmmmmm....... I dunno........?

Unfortunately this cycle didnt work so we went back to the clinic.  We felt like there were a few things that could be changed but I really wanted them to say something to me to make me feel impressed by them, something that would change how we both felt and had trust to put back into them again. 

Firstly the doctor said the cycle went great, and they were delighted with 7 eggs collected.  (In the mean time, my husband had already contact an IVF clinic in spain and they said for their clinic, 7 eggs is very low, they expect at least 12).  I said to the doctor I expected double digits and could the gonal f be increased and she said hmmmm, well, its already at a decent amount, and 7 eggs is really good so we would leave it as it was.  Ok, so Ive had a failed IVF cycle and nothing is going to be changed for the next one??

Next she said, your embryos were of a poor quality.  They were graded a 3.  This was never mentioend to us in the whole process until now.  I felt like the clinic held information like this back from us to make us think the whole process was going perfectly and we had a really good shot at it working.

Next... and my husband said if they used this as an excuse he would be so mad... next they said, well you do have a large fibroid that could have caused an issue so we need to look into that further.  Firstly WHAT!! LARGE?? and secondly, why couldnt all of these tests have been done first, before the first cycle!!  The fibroid measured 6cm!  thats the size of a small orange!!!!!!!  The doctor said my egg collection was difficult as the fibroid was in the way and it could also have effected implantation.  We were both so angry.  Its like this first cycle was set up to fail from the beginning due to them not looking at everything from the start.  Its like they said, ok, we will do 60% of the tests and just give it a bash, see if it works, and if it doesnt, we can do more tests and see what happens.

Felt so disheartened by them, but we have learned so many lessons from them!

Thanks for reading
J xox