Thursday, January 5, 2017

PGS Results

So 2 days before Christmas, we found out that Spain would be calling us that day for our PGS results.  How many embryos would we have that would pass, and finally we could focus on getting ready for transfer in January.  For the whole day I was nervous, then excited, imagining hearing we had at least 1 that passed, maybe even two and how happy we would be.  Then I would try to imagine what they said if we had 0 but I wasnt able to imagine that, so I was sure it would be good news.

Unfortunately I was wrong.

We received our call in the afternoon, and thank god I was at home.  My husband was in work but we were able to arrange a conference call.  It started off nice, the dr talking Christmas or something and then my husband said well hopefully you are calling with some good news, and there was a long pause before she said "unfortunately I'm not" and continued to tell us that no embryos passed the PGS testing and continued to talk while I just stared blankly into space, trying to let it sink in that this was it for us.  I couldnt talk, I couldnt think.  I just felt numb.  While she spoke my husband was texting me asking if I was ok, telling me he loved me, neither of us were able to listen to what she was saying.  The doctor did mention our only hope would be Donor Eggs and explained if we tried that, that transfer could be in March or April.  If only it was that simple.  The use of Donor Eggs is about 10k which we just dont have.

My husband arrived home and we just hugged and cried and told eachtoher that we loved eachother and both told eachtoher we were happy if forever was just the two of us.  We have had friends and family offer their own eggs, but unfortunately that still costs a lot of money and we literally have 0. 

Its only been 3 weeks since we have heard that news and I'm currently still processing.  We decided we are taking the next year off fertility and just enjoy our life.  IVF hung over our heads for 2 years, we always had tests to do, bloods to do, scans, drugs, and then there is the mentally draining side of it all which I found the worst part.  If we were to do donor egg, it would be from someone under 29 that we would get the eggs from, so it's not a race against time anymore.  But as we don't have the money at the moment, we are just gonna enjoy life like we did before IVF came along.  Go on nice holidays, trips, have fun together and save.  We are still renting so we are saving for a deposit, which is a LOT where we are living.  So at the end of 2017 we will have a good chunk saved.  Enough for donor egg, or half our deposit.  By the end of this year we will be deciding what is more important, a baby, or the security of having somewhere to live.

I'm not sure how we will come to that decision, but we have 12 months to figure it out.  I'm hoping over the next 12 months its something that we both decide organically, without too much trouble.  That, or we win the lotto so that we can do both! :)

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