The Countdown Is On!

So we are heading off to Spain in a week and a half!  I cant believe its finally here.  Today was the last day I took the pill so my period should come from tomorrow onwards.  I have my first scan Friday to see how things are looking and I'll find out then if I start taking pergoveris then too.


Myself and hubby went for a drive yesterday and he said " I dont mean to sound negative, but do you feel a small bit of relief knowing that this is our last try.  Obviously we want it to work but do you feel a little relief from it?)  And without knowing tears just fell from my face.  I told him thats exactly how I feel.  I want a baby so so so much and knowing this is our final chance is so sad and so heart breaking, but also, I feel relieved (just a tiny bit).  It's just knowing that IVF wont consume our brain on a daily basis.  We wont be focusing on money and trying to find money for last minute blood tests I need or scans I need.  We wont be stuck, not being able to do anything in the evenings due to having to do injections, which must be kept cold.  I feel like for the last 2 years, life has been on hold. I havent been able to think of anything else besides IVF and wanting to have a baby with my husband.  Ive seen everyone else around be get pregnant, have a baby and get pregnant again, all the while we are still trying.  But the second I think of the relief we will feel, I feel the absolute heart ache of it not working out for us and wondering how on earth we will ever get over it.


Besides all that, I'm trying to remain positive for the next few weeks, and please god that helps.

Time is Flying!

Where is the time going?  It only dawned on me last night that this weekend is a long weekend and then it's November.  November!!  November is when I stop the pill, get the base line scan done, start pergoveris, fly to spain, get all my different scans and bloods done and have egg collection.


Mentally I don't feel prepared at all.  I cant believe its only a few weeks away.  For the last 2 egg collections I have had months and months of waiting and counting the weeks down until it finally came.  I only had egg collection last month and Im going again next month.  I don't know if its good or bad that Im not mentally prepared.


I just hope its a better round than the last one

And The Injections Start...

So on Monday, the Saizen (human growth hormone) started.  We had looked over the manual the week before to make sure we could use it so on Monday, with tears in my eyes, it was time to start again.  I felt a bit upset that it was already starting again, another injection, a new injection, would it hurt, would it be complicated, would I have side effects?


So we got everything ready, put the injector over my thigh.  A green light came on so I knew it was time to press the button so the injection happened.  And after all the worrying and stressing, it was fine.  It didnt hurt or anything.  The relief.  So I took the injector away from my skin, but the cap back on and pressed the button to release the needle so I could throw it away.  But of course, me being me, I didnt press the release button properly and the needle got stuck in the machine.... but nothing that some piers didnt fix! 


My hubby then surprised me with a gorgeous card and a bracelet so say good luck and here we go again, which was so sweet.  Please god this will work for us

Kindness of Strangers

When you are going through IVF, you can't help but feel alone.  Not many people go through IVF so they don't understand, and even the odd person you know that has actually gone through IVF sometimes don't get it, as each process is different.  So you don't tell people, you keep it to yourself. It can feel very alone.


And then strangers come along and can be the kindest people ever that you never have met.  My mothers friend went to Lourdes and lit a candle for us and brought us back a candle too, and a prayer.  This woman never met me but was so thoughtful for her to do this, so I bawled.


Our chemist the first time was so lovely, and so helpful, and really helped us out with us having a foreign prescription and said if I needed any help or instructions with the meds to pop in and they can help, and I was on the verge of tears.  It was so nice.


And now today, I tweeted our airline to see if they are able to put certain meds into a fridge on board.  A girl I don't know tweeted me saying that she had a special bag I could use for the meds, if I wanted to use, which was so thoughtful.  It's all these big events through IVF that I think about and worry about and wonder what I will do and if things will work out, and then these amazing people come along and offer to help which is too sweet.  This twitter girl doesn't know all of this is for IVF, she is just being really nice, which I really appreciate.


:)

And so it begins...

So tonight is the start of the Saizen injections which I keep taking until egg collection in November, so around the 25th November.  I just can't believe its here already.  Im excited but emotional.  Excited of course that this could be our answer and my follicles will grow better than ever and eggs will be better quality and we will have more embryos.


I'm emotional at starting the injections for another round of egg collection, and 7 weeks of injections every night.  Emotional at knowing this is our last collection ever.  Emotional at having to inject myself, every evening.  Emotional at life being different now in the evenings and having to be home by a certain time to get it done.  Emotional that its just all starting again.


Im sure after the 1st injection I will be relieved at how easy it is and all that, as its all pre mixed and its a special contraption for the injecting which is good.  Still though... I can't shake how emotional it all is

More waiting

So now comes the worst side of IVF.  Waiting.  Always something to wait for. 


I have 7 weeks to wait before I go to Spain for my second collection.  I need to try and keep myself busy for these 7 weeks so I dont go crazy, but the hard part about that is the injections start in 2 weeks up until egg collection.  These injections start in the evening and must be stored in the fridge so it means meeting friends after work, or going to the cinema etc cant happen as I need to get home to do the injections.  I also need to figure out a good time in the evening to do them, because when we go to Spain, they are an hour ahead so I need to make sure its not too late.  The things you need to think about!


Is there anyone reading that will be starting IVF soon?

Little Update

I haven't been on in the last few weeks, just a lot of stuff going on, your know yourself.


Well we got the email to say none of our other emrbyos made it to blastocyst by day 7 so we have 1 grade AA frozen for the moment.  Im still taking 5mg folic acid and Ive started Inositol (vitamin B) one in the morning, one at night, 1 coq10 at lunchtime and I started the pill again last week.  I take the pill up to the 7th November and hopefully my period will start a few days later.  I also have to start Saizen, which is a human growth hormone from the 10th Oct up until egg collection.  The Saizen, and Inositol and Coq10 are supposed to help the smaller follicles grow and the eggs to be a better quality than what I have had before so please god we have a couple more embryos that reach blastocyst.


Fertility forums are great, fantastic support and great to have other people going through something similar to you, but it can be hard when some girls have 17 follicles growing (I had 6) and one girl had 5 that reached blastocyst and are frozen (I had 1).  I just have to believe that November will be my time, we will have at least 1 other blastocyst to join its brother or sister, and please god we have something that passes the pgs testing for transfer, and please god it sticks too.


My brain is exhausted from it all