Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Family, Friends and IVF

When we decided to go ahead with IVF, we discussed between the two of us who we would tell.  It was something so daunting ahead of us, but also something so personal.  I told my Mum who's reply was "don't be worrying about it, it will happen" but my reply was "no, it's actually not gonna happen for us naturally, the doctors have said that to us".  But she was convinced it would all work out.   I told my siblings too, as well as some friends, maybe 2 or 3.

It's a funny situation to be in, because you want to talk to people about it, but either they dont understand, so the conversation doesn't last past a couple of minutes before its changed, or for a certain friend in particular, she would seldom ask me about it.  Weeks would go by, and I would get a text out of the blue, around 10pm, just asking me a random question about the process, which was obvious that she was talking about me to someone at that time and couldnt answer the question so just texted me randomly.  It meant though that through the process I started to close up on her and told her very very little.  She would never ask how I was, or how I felt, or how it was going.  But she said she found it difficult to say, in case I didnt want to talk about it.  I said to her, just a "hi, how are you, how are things going" would be perfect.  I didnt find it that difficult, yet she did. 

The hardest part was the Two Week Wait (TWW) and this 1 girl in particular didnt try contact me at all over the 2 weeks, to wish me luck, to say she was thinking about me, nothing.  So not only was I anxious over the TWW but then knowing she wasnt getting in touch made it all so much worse.  And this is a friend that decided she wanted to get pregnant and after month 1 I met her and she was worried it would never happen and we had a big huge chat about it and the following month she got pregnant.  And from week 4 up to week 42, I did a count down with her, every Tuesday counting down the days.  It hurt.

Now, hopefully starting a 2nd cycle over the coming months, I want to talk about it again, I wanna chat to people about how Im feeling, but I also dont want to be disapponted with the lack of response or lack of care.  My family are great as are his, but past that Im not too sure.  Then, saying that, I go through thoughts thinking - Is this something I should say on snapchat, something I should discuss as a lot of women go through this privately, so to get the topic out there, or even on You Tube, just so other people that are in my position out there, dont feel like they are alone either.

Either way, I will find a problem with thatever happens :)  Thats life I guess

J xox

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